30 January 2014

     when i sat down to write my etsy "about" profile, for the first time in a long time, i took a good look at the last eleven years of my life.  i tend to divide my life into two distinct parts - there were the years before i started playing bass, and there are the years after.  i can't emphasize enough how much it changed my life.  i was lost before, i had no idea what i wanted.  but when i played a song with a band for the first time, in a dirty stinky practice space in a warehouse in san diego in 2003, i KNEW.  i didn't know what i knew, i just knew that i knew.  i fucking knew, and i still know.  

     looking at those years of my life reminds me how much has happened, and how fortunate i am.  it has been a beautiful ride.  up and down and everywhere..  but the truth is, i have felt really stagnant for the last few years in austin.  even though i've been creating like crazy and moving forward in that way..  i haven't been traveling much, or feeling the fire of direct experience.  but i think this time was meant for other kinds of adventures- mental and spiritual adventures.  i've read a lot of books, made a lot of art, found solace in my solitude, and formed some beautiful friendships.

     well anyway, if you have read this far, you are my hero and everything i do is for you.  i've updated my bio page, and there is plenty more to read there.  and i didn't even say it all.  i wanted to talk about late-night karaoke in kentucky, the dance party in the basement bar in atlanta, and the magic mushroom trip in the van during a pre-dawn traffic jam on a canadian freeway, with the barbarella dvd playing on the van's screen.  the mugging in venice beach, and the skateboarding accident.  dancing in the streets or on the beach in the rain at three in the morning, just because it felt good.  emergency room visits and scar-making adventures; sketchy tattoo parlors and late night solo walks down the sunset strip.  big shows in little bars and all-nighters in the practice space on hollywood boulevard with only a bottle of wine, black sabbath, and my bass to keep me company.  what more did i need?  and the bus ride to work in marina del rey the next morning- the biotech company where we manufactured an experimental skin cancer vaccine.  i was half-asleep, i was working hard, but i was always dreaming.

     there are so many stories.  all of these stories and adventures and fun blood sweat tears and laughter and pleasure and pain swirl around together and intertwine with each other and infuse themselves in the colors when i paint.  at least that's how it feels, when i'm sitting alone at my desk with a paintbrush and a blank page.  these experiences are in the distortion of the guitar, the low end of the bass, and the whisper floating on top of the melody of the music i make.  it's all there.  

   i am so grateful for all of it, and i am so grateful for everyone who was there then, and everyone who is here now.  thank you.

love, jana